Understanding our Emotions: An Overview
- nikitamoody
- Oct 17, 2023
- 3 min read
Anxiety, depression, anger… we spend a lot of time looking at emotions separately, but we often do this before having a basic understanding of emotions as a whole. Knowledge of what emotions are, their believed purpose and our beliefs about them can be empowering. So, let’s take a look at emotions…
(note: a lot of research on the topic of emotions has been found to be biased, rooted in racism and misogyny so bear that in mind with anything you read about emotions)
What is an emotion?
Even this is not a straightforward question to answer! There are lots of definitions floating around and theories about ‘primary’ emotions but I’m not going to bore you with those. For our purposes, the following definition is a starting point:
a conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body – Merriam Webster
In simple terms, emotions are subjective feelings that emerge with sensations in the body and urges to act.
Why do we have emotions?
Everyone experiences overwhelming emotions at points in their lives but some of us find this happening everyday and we can start to wonder…
Wouldn’t life be easier if I could just stop feeling all the feelings?
The answer is probably not.
Panksepp described emotions as “inherited ancestral tools for living” and Agarwal says that emotions are “a key to our humanness” – we need them.
Emotions help us to survive, they are felt experiences trying to communicate a message to us and the world around us.
Sadness often signals that we are losing something, it tells us to hold on.
Anger signals that something is unfair, we need to fight back.
Disgust lets us know something might be bad for us, we need to turn away.
Joy reminds us that an activity is good, we need to move towards it more.
Why do I find emotions so difficult?
Experiences of emotions are individual but I have found it helpful to begin by looking at what beliefs I hold about emotions.
As babies, we start to learn which emotional expressions are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ based on the responses of our caregivers. We carry this learning with us as we grow and layers are added by messages from others in our lives and society as a whole. These messages are often rooted in racism and misogyny!
We have rules about what we ‘should’ feel in certain situations and shame ourselves if that does not happen. We stifle our bodily responses because we are told that there are ‘proper’ ways to display emotions and these should largely be done in private.
On top of this, we start to form beliefs about our personal ability to manage emotions. Those beliefs stick to us, too. We might be told that we are “highly sensitive” or “prone to tantrums” and when these ideas are repeated enough, we believe them to be part of who we are. We do not have the ability to wonder what these terms actually mean and who determines what makes a person sensitive or what defines a tantrum.
Aside from messages and beliefs about emotions, we often find them difficult to manage and respond to because we have a tendency to avoid them. We push uncomfortable feelings down repeatedly until they bubble up and start leaking out. Emotions are not difficult but the way we have been taught to handle them creates challenging scenarios.
We are not only experiencing an emotion, but we are also trying to navigate years of suppressed feelings and judgements on ourselves.
Reflection points
What emotions do you categorise as ‘good’ or ‘bad’?
What messages have you received about different emotions – from your family? From society?
What beliefs do you hold about your ability to tolerate or manage emotions?
When you are hit with a wave of emotion, what automatic thoughts arise? Do you feel capable of riding the wave?
Further reading
Hysterical: Exploding the Myth of Gendered Emotions by Pragya Agarwal
The Wisdom of Your Body: Finding Healing, Wholeness, and Connection through Embodied Living by Hillary L. McBride
The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert
Comments