This is the first in a series of posts about getting to know some frequently experienced emotions more intimately. We use language for emotions in everyday life but rarely take the time to consider what we mean when we say it or how it is showing up for us. So, let’s take a look at what anxiety is and try to meet it with compassion.
Anxiety is defined as:
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
As an emotion, it rarely exists in isolation from thoughts of worry about what might happen. But sometimes we can feel anxious without having any clear idea of the worried thoughts accompany the feeling.
Anxiety is wonderful at trying to protect us and to keep us safe, that is its ultimate purpose. Unfortunately, it often appears in moments that we are already safe and don’t need protecting. Our life experiences can lead anxiety into a bit of a tailspin, it’s not quite sure if we are ever truly safe so to err on the side of caution, it hangs around all the time. Anxiety, however painful and difficult, is doing its best as we all are in any given moment.
Anxiety shows up in ways you might expect:
Increased heart rate, sweating, feeling on edge, dread, restlessness, worrying about everything, muscle tension
And in ways you might not expect:
Difficulty making decisions, fatigue, forgetfulness, stomach pains
It all sounds pretty rubbish, right? It’s uncomfortable and can seem relentless at times so it makes sense that we try to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Whether we reach for distractions or simply avoid any situation that might lead to anxiety (which honestly can be anything), humans have a tendency to run from anxious feelings. The crappy thing is that this rarely helps in the long term. It can sometimes provide a bit of relief or help us get through the day and that’s important. But the difficult truth is that we can’t run forever no matter how hard we try. At some point, if you ignore anxiety knocking on the door, it’ll break through a window and you’ll have no choice but to address it.
So let’s imagine for a second that we’re sitting with anxiety over a cup of tea and finally getting to know this pesky intruder.
I know I can’t keep ignoring you but this is getting ridiculous. I can barely leave the house without you creeping in and telling me to be careful about every step I take. Why won’t you just leave me alone?
I’m only trying to keep you safe. I’m not so sure anymore about what safe looks like and because my job is to protect you, I want to do it well, maybe I’m overdoing it. I’m scared I’m going to miss a threat and you’ll get hurt.
But there’s no threat in the supermarket! Why do you always show up in there? Maybe we need to work together on this. If I can try to hear you out and let you know that I’m safe, perhaps you could ease off a bit?
Supermarkets are all bright lights and loud noises, it’s easy to miss threats in those scenarios so I make sure we’re on high alert. But sure, if you can assure me you’re safe then I’ll try to step back.
This might seem silly but befriending our anxiety, making attempts to compassionately connect with it can be empowering and help us move towards more neutral acceptance. Fighting against the anxiety, trying to think ourselves out of it is not always going to work so it’s worth trying a different route!
The question remains of how we can let ourselves and anxiety know that we are safe. The place to start is with our bodies, the thing our anxiety is often trying to protect. Breathwork and movement on a daily basis can be a great starting point as a way to signal safety. If we’re able to breathe calmly and move about to dissipate some tension, we must be safe. This message starts to sink in and over time, anxiety might feel a bit more assured that they can take a break.
Reflection prompts:
What does anxiety mean to you? How does it feel in your body? Does it have a sound, texture, colour or shape?
When anxiety shows up, what is your reaction? How do you behave?
What would you like to say to your anxiety? Maybe write a compassionate letter.
Are there any ways you would like to respond differently to your anxiety? What are they? How can you make them easy for you?
In summary, anxiety has a purpose and it’s doing the best it can. Unfortunately, it’s best can get in the way of living in a way that is meaningful to us. But it is possible to meet your anxiety where it’s at, get to know it better and work towards a more harmonious co-existence.
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