There’s a video clip from ‘Inside Out’ that I often use to show the different purposes of our emotions and it ends on the question of why Sadness is there. Even when we appreciate the necessity of different emotions, sadness can seem like a particularly tricky one to understand, never mind appreciate. Let’s take a look at what sadness is, how it manifests and see if we can get to know it a little better.
‘Sadness’ is a word we often use to mean a variety of similar experiences such as grief, anguish, despair or hopelessness. It encompasses a range of experiences that are often uncomfortable and sometimes painful.
Sadness can lead to crying, an urge to hide from others, a feeling of heaviness in the chest. We can get stuck in attempts to rid ourselves of sadness, trying to shake it off and move onto something else. It’s often an unwelcome emotion that we attempt to keep to ourselves. Responding to sadness in this way makes sense because it is often a response to a loss (actual, perceived or expected) or defeat. Loss or defeat are painful human experiences so it is understandable that we try to get past them as quickly as possible.
The message from most of society is clear: we need to think positively, cheer up and stop crying. Many of us are told from a young age to stop crying, stop showing others that we are sad. So we do, we become ashamed of a very common and healthy response to being human.
However, like so many uncomfortable emotions or experiences, sadness needs to be given some space. When we try to force our way out of it or pretend that everything is fine, the sadness doesn’t vanish, it just gets pushed to the back of the cupboard as we stack in more and more boxes. Eventually, the boxes come tumbling down and the sadness remains.
One way to get more comfortable with letting sadness sit with us is to consider how it can be helpful. Sadness alerts us to what is important to us, it motivates us to hold onto the things that matter when there is a threat of loss. Sadness serves a purpose just like all other emotions and is often trying to get us to pay attention to something about our current circumstances.
Next time you feel sadness emerging, pause before you push it away. Consider letting yourself sit with it for a little bit longer than usual to test the waters with the knowledge that the pain of any emotion is only temporary. Even when sadness truly seems to be here to stay, it always passes as is the nature of emotions.
There is no right or wrong way to respond to and handle any of our emotional experiences, all we can do is be open to trying something different if our current ways of responding are not helpful to us.
Reflection prompts
What does sadness mean to you? How does it show up in your life?
How do you respond to sadness and where did you learn this response?
Would you like to treat sadness differently? How might you give it a bit more space in your life?
What is behind current feelings of sadness? Can you recognise this as a normal human response?
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