Regulating Emotions: Expression

The final post in this series is focused on emotional expression. This is another challenging part of regulating emotions that requires experiment and practice!

Emotional expression rules are everywhere, there is a ‘right’ way, ‘right’ place and ‘right’ time to express our emotions. Should we express them in any other way, judgements on our ability to cope with life are made. It’s really hard to known what all the rules are about emotional expression and so we often just stick with not expressing them to avoid judgement. The rules also vary depending on race, gender, sexuality, disability and class expectations placed on us. Rich white men yelling out of anger is a demonstration of power but a poor black man yelling out of anger is deemed a threat.

When you find yourself thinking you can't express how you're feeling, be curious about why and who made these rules.

Avoiding expression of our emotions means that they stay in us hidden away but will eventually leak out. Have you ever snapped at someone and it’s taken you by surprise because you felt fine? Or had an intense response to a seemingly insignificant event? Our emotions have a way of coming out whether we want them to or not. Expressing them more regularly can help us prevent a build up to boiling point.

How can we express our emotions?

It can be useful to think about how children express their emotions here. Without concerns about judgement, children allow space for their feelings to come out until they are taught otherwise! We can learn from these behaviours.

Next time you feel a wave of emotion hit, consider the following actions. Yes, they might feel a bit silly or sound like they will never work but give them a go and trust your instincts.

Scream into a pillow Laugh Write down everything you want to shout Cry Dance around Journal Listen to loud music Talk to someone (or to yourself out loud) Punch a pillow Take some deep breaths Rip up pieces of paper Let out a loud sigh or grunt Squeeze a stress ball Stretch your body Shake it off Give yourself a hug

A key point to consider is finding what works and feels comfortable for you, everyone is different. Providing you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, give it a go and just notice how it feels to let things go by allowing yourself to express emotions.

Don’t forget that emotional expression relates to those labelled as good, too. We can have an equally difficult time with emotions relating to happiness. It could feel uncomfortable or we might not trust emotions like joy. This is okay, it’s just another area of emotional regulation to work through.

This brings us to the end of the series of posts relating to improving our understanding of emotions. Has this information helped in anyway? Have you had any light bulb moments? This has just scratched the surface of emotions, it is a complex topic.

If nothing else, please remember that struggling with emotions is a common experience for humans in this complicated world, you are not broken and your feelings are always valid.