Tips for Recognising Needs

In the last post, we explored what needs are and why it can be difficult to recognise our needs. Now we come to the question of 'how do I know what I need?' In this post, we will be looking at some tips for recognising needs.

Feelings as cues

The way that we feel can be used as an indicator of whether needs are met or unmet. For example, if I am feeling content then it is likely that my needs are being met. However, if I’m feeling angry or sad then this indicates a need is not being met. You can find some ideas for noticing feelings here.

If I notice I feel lonely, this could indicate that I need connection. The way I meet this will vary depending on context. Some days it might be enough to send a message to a friend, other days I might need to be around people in person. Recognising our needs is the first step to exploring and experimenting with different ways to meet those needs. 

Pay attention to your body

Paying attention to the body can be difficult for some people but, if it is accessible for you then it can be useful for noticing needs. Needs can show up physically through experiences like tension, tiredness, restlessness or a heavy feeling. These can all be signs that something needs attention. 

Notice patterns

Sometimes needs show up through patterns. For example, you might notice that you repeatedly feel irritated after saying yes to things which could point to a need for boundaries, rest or choice. Repeatedly feeling disconnected might point to a need for belonging or support. 

Using needs lists

If we struggle with finding the right words to describe our needs, using lists of needs words can be a helpful starting point. Simply looking at a range of words can allow us space to reflect on what resonates for us in the moment. You can find an example of these lists here. 

Look underneath the strategy

Sometimes we notice things that we want first but often this is linked to a need. For example, you might think “I need them to reply straight away” and this could point to a need for reassurance or connection. When we notice the need underneath, we can consider whether there might be other ways of meeting those needs that we have more control over. 

Conclusion

Recognising, naming and meeting needs can be really challenging. We might start to notice needs and then quickly judge ourselves for having them. Through all of this, it is important to remember that needing things is part of being human. You are still of value and worthy even when you need something. Opening ourselves up to more awareness of our needs is the first step, and hopefully some of these tips can help.

Reflection prompts

• Are there any physical signs that might tell you something needs attention right now?

• Can you think of a repeated pattern in your life that might be pointing towards an unmet need? 

• Which of the strategies above feel most accessible for you to start practicing?